She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
