I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
