Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
