my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
