I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
