I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
