the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
