The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
