omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
