He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
