dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
