Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
