the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
