Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
