i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize