I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
