her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
