What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Semen is not good for contacts.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
