So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
