First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
