My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
