I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
