Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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