Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
