I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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