I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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