Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
