tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
