Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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