as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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