I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
