Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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