i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
