My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
