woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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