I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize