It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
