For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
