I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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