After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
