This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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