Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
