Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
