I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
