I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
