D3 body, D1 cock
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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