fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Found your dick twin last night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
