my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
handjob tips. give me some.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
