I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
