College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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