Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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