I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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