we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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