Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
