I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
