I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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