this beer tastes like vomit already
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
