Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
