I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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