I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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