I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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