The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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