its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
