The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cut my penus on the lid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
