??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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