Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
