I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
