I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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