You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
