Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
