We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
