I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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