Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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